


moving up with your head down

by belgiques



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Jemma Simmons, Lots of Coulson, Other, Team Feels, This might prove to be AU after tonight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belgiques/pseuds/belgiques
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only (acceptable) reason why Jemma Simmons could be Hydra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to post this before the new episode airs. I refuse to believe that Simmons is Hydra and therefore I had to pour all my theories and feels into a story.

She knew she'd been made as soon as she rounded the corner. A glance, that was all that he'd needed. She hastily tried to turn back around, and that had been her second mistake. The first one had been _not moving up with her head down_.  
  
"Agent Simmons?" His voice is small, as if he hasn't used it much over the past few months. She painfully realizes that might actually have been the case.  
  
She doesn't know what to do - he's not stupid. On the contrary, he might rival Fitz in terms of genius. He clearly remembers her. She can't help feeling guilty at the almost hopeful look he's giving her. She, too, has to banish a similar expression. She hasn't been called 'Simmons' for a while now. Her heart aches and she has to steel herself, just as she has for the past few months. She has to at least try to move forward with the mission. _Her_ mission.   
  
This wasn't supposed to happen. Donnie was meant to be in the lab all day, every day, until she had been given the OK to get him out.  
  
"You're mistaken. I'm–"  
  
She glances down at her ID badge and curses herself inwardly. _Jemma Fitz_. Never for a moment had she thought that might have ended up being a problem. What with Skye having erased their identities, Ward in custody and Garrett dead, no one within Hydra had any reason to know who she was. She thought it would've been safer for her to use her real name, given she wasn't an expert at lying yet. Using her full name, however, had seemed unwise, so she... Well, she chose the next best thing.   
  
"It is you, isn't it? What–what are you doing here?"  
  
"Donnie, I–"  
  
"Are you _Hydra_?"  
  
She opens her mouth and closes it again when she realizes that some way or another, someone might be listening in. She carefully looks around the hallway, starting to see some operatives glancing her way suspiciously. Jemma feels panicked and suddenly cornered, and her hesitation is too long for Donnie.   
  
"You're Hydra. Does that mean that Agent Fitz is as well? Is there _anyone_ I can trust? I have spent this whole time in the Sandbox convinced that someone from your team would eventually come get me, but I guess that'll be when pigs fly, right?"  
  
He's rambling beyond Jemma's control and she has to do something if she doesn't want her entire cover to be blown. She grabs him quickly by the arm, pretending to drag him back to his room.  
  
"Donnie, honestly, you don't understand–"  
  
"Oh, I understand perfectly. I've been biding my time here with you traitors because I got to work in a lab for once."  
  
His breathing was starting to become very laboured and he wouldn't budge. Pretty much the entire hallway was staring at them now. Donnie clenched his fists and Jemma noticed that it'd suddenly gotten cold. This wasn't right...  
  
\---  
  
"Alright, everyone, we've got a situation."  
  
Coulson had gathered everyone for an emergency meeting. The briefing room strongly resembled that of the Bus, which might have explained why Fitz seemed extremely uncomfortable. This would be his first mission since he woke up from his coma, and even though he'd rather not put the engineer through this so soon, Coulson also knew he would need him one time or another.

Skye and Trip flanked Fitz on both sides, making it seem as though they were trying to protect him from Hunter's stares. Trip especially had applied a defensive stance, as if daring Hunter to say something. Clearly, their newest asset hadn't earned their trust yet.  
  
"Skye picked up an extreme heating image about half an hour ago, and I have a feeling we should check it out."  
  
"Why? Where is it?" Triplett asked warily.  
  
"A few miles outside of London. The satellites registered extreme cold. Almost like a type of expanding ice patch," Skye explained. Fitz shot her a puzzled glance, before something clicked in his brain.  
  
"London? At The Sandbox? Where Donnie Gill is, right, Sir?"  
  
Coulson nodded and in his peripheral vision, saw May give him a look. Donnie _and Jemma_.  
  
"Exactly. We think he's somehow involved in this, and if at all possible, we'd like to get him out of Hydra's hands before he does some serious damage. We learned the hard way what he's capable of."  
  
"You think he rebuilt the machine per Hydra's orders, Sir?" Fitz asked.  
  
"That would be plausible, considering Ian Quinn was the one who ordered it in the first place. But the readings are actually too high to be from a similar type of machine. It would have to be a lot bigger, and seeing as Donnie could barely stabilize the thing last time..."  
  
"What, you think he's got powers or something? Like magic?" Skye tried.  
  
"There's no such thing," Fitz replied, looking to his right at something none of the others could see. His attempt at a smile quickly faded when he realized what he was doing. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Do you want me to build some kind of... Uh– some kind of... Sta–stabilizer, Sir? Like I did for Creel?"  
  
Coulson could barely contain a smile at seeing the engineer finally make some real progress again. He already looked determined and as his knowledge slowly returned, so did more and more of the old Fitz.  
  
"That's exactly what I want you to do. Calibrate it for the ice machine settings for now, until we know what we're up against. You and Mack can start right away and head to the Bus, I'll brief you on the rest later."   
  
Fitz froze, however, as soon as Coulson mentioned the plane. He stared at Coulson uncertainly, but the older man would not (could not) waver. He returned the look intently and added: "I need you on this, Fitz."  
  
The younger man visibly steeled himself and nodded in return before walking out of the briefing room with Mack trailing behind him, leaving a shocked Trip and Skye in his wake.  
  
"You want him on the Bus his first mission back? AC, I don't think that's a good idea."  
  
The hacker turned a rather annoyed glare her boss' way, but Coulson couldn't let that deter him either. He knew how much Skye had come to care for both Fitz and Simmons, and seeing them grow apart after Fitz had woken up had broken her heart more than Ward already had.  
  
No one had talked much about Jemma's departure from the team, or at least not around Fitz. The moment Coulson informed the engineer of her leaving (Not "Jemma", but "Agent Simmons" as he'd addressed her), he had started to retreat into himself and had slowly distanced himself from the rest of the team. Three days after that, Fitz had finally remembered who Jemma was, which had made tensions around the Playground rise even higher. He didn't once ask where she'd gone, or why – he seemed to have his own (presumably wrong) ideas about that. Coulson thought that Fitz had been coping one way or another because he kept making progress, just like he had when Simmons was still there. Of course, that belief flew out the window when Mack confided in him that Fitz was talking to someone – and the new scientist had growing suspicions that Fitz was hallucinating Simmons. And that was the drop. Had this reading not come up when it did, he would've gotten her out regardless. For both Fitz' sake and hers.   
  
"I agree with Skye, Sir. That lab in there will remind him of nothing but Simmons," Trip offered, seemingly annoyed as well. May just raised her eyebrow at him.  
  
Coulson clenched his jaw, thinking back at that awful moment he once saw on the security footage – Simmons tearfully taking one look back at Fitz, who was screaming in agony at the top of his lungs. He remembered that back at the motel, when everything had already gone to hell, Fitz had admitted to him and Trip that that had been the worst moment of his life. Coulson also remembered Simmons' whispered to him one night in Fitz' hospital.   
  
 _"He saved me. He told me he loved me, pushed that button and saved me. I screamed as loud as I could and he saved me."_  
  
Coulson vowed that he would do everything in his power not to make either of them ever feel that way again. This impasse had to end, because they were too young and too good and damn everything if those two weren't meant to be together.  
  
Enough.  
  
"Good. I want him to remember. He has to be prepared," Coulson spoke firmly, clearly startling the two younger agents. He sneaked a glance at May, who gave the slightest nod in return.  
  
"There's something you both should know about this mission."


	2. Chapter 2

Fitz tried to focus on his work, rather than think about where they were going, and what had been going on the last time they had been heading to the Sandbox.  
  
 _"Our path to the Sandbox has us right above the Atlantic Ocean."_  
  
 _"That's enough time, right?"_  
  
 _"Could I please have a brief moment alone with Fitz?"_  
  
 _"I'm so sorry."_  
  
 _"It worked! The antiserum worked– but she jumped!"_  
  
 _"It was you, Fitz. You're the hero."_  
  
The memories flooded his mind and for a moment, it was all too much. Too much pain, too much disappointment, too much affection, too much _love_.  
  
Mack must've caught on, because soon he's calling his name and _he needs to focus_. Seeing Donnie would be bad enough. In a way, Fitz wanted to go there and help. Make amends for not seeing the reality of the situation, for not seeing that the poor kid was being manipulated, for not protecting him against himself. This time he would try. He wished he could've protected Jemma from what she'd been dealing with, from whatever caused her to leave.  
  
"Fitz?"  
  
 _Focus_.  
  
\---  
  
Skye huffed in frustration as she watched Fitz and Mack on the monitor in the briefing room. Trip looked at her, heaving a sigh.  
  
"Look, I know you don't like this, Skye–"  
  
"You bet your ass I don't like it. Coulson should've told us. We had no idea where Simmons had gone off to, no goodbye, nothing. I couldn't find _any_ file on her on the SHIELD database. And now Coulson tells us she was at the Sandbox all along. Infiltrated Hydra, for Pete's sake! All by herself. I just– I can't believe Coulson would keep this from us," she exclaimed angrily.  
  
"I think I get it," Trip countered, earning a glower from his friend. He raised his hands in surrender. "I'm not saying I like it. But I understand. None of us would've ever let Simmons go if we'd known."  
  
"Coulson and May did."  
  
"I'm sure they tried to persuade her, but Simmons can be pretty damn stubborn when she wants to be. Coulson would never have sent her if she hadn't been exactly the person needed for the job."  
  
Skye looked pensive for a moment, and she exhaled in frustration. "I hate it when you're right."  
  
Trip chuckled, but quickly sobered as he watched Fitz pinch his nose again in exasperation. Skye was looking at the screen with glistening eyes.  
  
"I don't even know how he'll react when she steps back on the Bus. That's how much things have changed. I know it's better not to tell him we're going to get her, but..." Another sigh.   
  
"I just want them to be... FitzSimmons again," she spoke quietly.  
  
Trip put a comforting arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "Me too, Skye."  
  
She nudged his shoulder gently at his response.

"So the hots for Simmons have cooled?" she wondered, a teasing edge to her voice.  
  
Trip chuckled again and looked back at Fitz, smiling a little.   
  
"What those two have... I never stood a chance."  
  
\---  
  
"You sure this was a good idea, Phil, not telling him?" May asked him quietly. They were standing on the cargo ramp, ready to go out and head to the Sandbox in search of Donnie and Simmons.  
  
Coulson turned to face her, hesitation apparent in his features.  
  
"I'm not. But there are way too many scenarios where this whole thing could go south. If it does–"  
  
"Don't even say it."  
  
"Well, that's my job, isn't it?" He countered.   
  
He remembered a similar conversation they'd had, months ago, also concerning their biochemist. May's face softened and she placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing a bit.  
  
"Simmons can handle herself. It's why we sent her in. But she's grown so much since she first stepped on this Bus. We all have. She'll be fine. Fitz too."

Her determined tone left no room for argument, and Coulson instantly felt more sure about his decision. May was right. Of course she was.  
  
He nodded, finding focus again. "Come on, let's get Simmons back."  
  
\---  
  
In the end, Coulson had decided that Fitz had better stay on the Bus with Skye and Mack while the others went in search for Donnie. He had been given a sat phone, in case his help was needed to calm the boy down.  
  
He didn't like that one bit. They all just sat around the lab while he and Mack tried to get some work done – which was near impossible with the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. And aside from that, Skye kept throwing him these weird, nervous glances.  
  
Something was definitely off about this whole thing.  
  
After a few hours, he was simply keeping his hands busy to not think about everything that could happen to Coulson, May, Trip, Hunter, Donnie... when suddenly a voice rang loud and clear in the lab.  
  
"Koenig! We're coming, but we need a medic, _now_!"  



	3. Chapter 3

Jemma slammed the door of her room shut, putting the locks and bolts in place. She tried to catch her breath, but the adrenaline was coursing through her veins. Those guards had jumped on her as soon as Donnie had created that ice patch. She'd screamed at him to lock himself in his lab, to _please_ , please trust her and to wait for her, and to her surprise, he had taken off instantly. It must've been the sheer terror in her voice that had convinced him she wasn't Hydra.  
  
Jemma quickly grabbed her bag, haphazardly throwing her most precious belongings inside. The stuffed monkey, the pictures of her 'family' (which had hardly been a lie, after all). That was it, basically. Wow. That was enough proof in itself. She had to get out immediately.  
  
She nearly ran into the bathroom, only grabbing one thing: a perfume bottle that was as good as empty and more than ten years old, the first gift that Fitz had ever given her. She wouldn't leave this behind for the world.  
  
She nearly threw everything else off the sink when she heard movement in the other room. She reached for the gun in her belt and put her bag around her. _Breathe_ , Jemma, remember what May taught you. She took a deep breath and rounded the corner.  
  
And nearly shrieked at seeing the person in front of her.  
  
"Why the gun, Jemma?"  
  
Coulson. He looked pretty happy, considering he was a SHIELD agent in a Hydra base, alarms were blaring all around the compound and a whole slew of operatives were after her. He was here and she hadn't completed her mission yet.  
  
Still, she couldn't help but feel relieved at seeing him. Even as she kept aiming her gun at him.  
  
"There's cameras everywhere, Sir. No sound, just picture. Obviously I wasn't supposed to find out they're here, but well..."  
  
"Of course. You're smarter than that," he concluded with a hint of amusement in his voice. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly in return. Her heart clenched a bit, vulnerability shining in her eyes.  
  
"It's good to see you, Sir. I haven't had a moment to myself in a while. Being fairly new at Hydra, I've been monitored constantly. Agent May taught me well, so I can easily spot them following me. _Everywhere_."  
  
She thought back about her first day here, when she'd felt so relieved to be back in her room at night, only to have the sensation that she was being watched. And she'd been right. Since then, she'd had to hide her true feelings. She sometimes woke up with a smile (by far the hardest thing to do), worked out constantly, spent most of her time in the lab to take her mind off of her thoughts. And all the while, she had been monitoring Donnie and a handful of other promising SHIELD scientists being held here at the Sandbox.  
  
"It's okay, Jemma. I'm here to get you out." It's possible he could see the distress on her face, as his face had softened vastly.  
  
"But Sir, I haven't completed the mission yet."  
  
She'd been there for more than one reason, after all. Getting back all those promising young men and women, but secretly she'd hoped that one of the neurologists among them could've helped her with Fitz, find ways to speed up his recovery. She'd seen and felt his own frustration at his 'progress', which had been remarkable in such a short amount of time, but for him it still hadn't been fast enough. On top of that, she'd have been able to do next to nothing, seeing as he _didn't_ even know who she was. She couldn't even begin to say how much that had broken her heart.  
  
"Doesn't matter," Coulson countered. "We'll find another way. We need you to come back home. _Fitz_ needs you to–"  
  
"With all due respect, Sir," she interrupted, "but I don't think Fitz wants me home. He doesn't even remember who I am."  
  
"Before you left, he didn't," he admitted. Then his eyes shined with something close to relief. "That's no longer the case."  
  
Her hands curled around the gun tightly, her heart pounding in her chest.   
  
"He..." She swallowed. "Why didn't you tell me this when I called?"  
  
He stepped a bit closer to her when she couldn't keep the hurt off her face.  
  
"You asked me if he was okay. Relatively speaking, he was. I knew it would eat away at you if you were aware he remembered you and you were... stuck here."  
  
Jemma swallowed again, trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn't imagine what he must've been thinking this whole time she'd been gone...  
  
"Look," Coulson told her, hearing footsteps and shouting coming closer. "I'm sure you will want some answers, and I'll give them, but not now. We need to leave."  
  
Before Jemma could ask him how on Earth they would manage that when everyone was on the lookout for her, a voice sounded from outside.  
  
\---  
  
May and Trip approached Coulson and Simmons' coordinates just as a man was standing outside, a voice enhancer magnifying his every word. They exchanged a look and hoped that Hunter had successfully gotten the scientists to the nearby safe house, because it seemed they would have their hands full here.  
  
 _"Well done, Operative Fitz."_  
  
May _definitely_ raised an eyebrow at that, the faintest of smiles on her lips.  
  
 _"Agent Coulson, such a pleasure it is. Oh, but I guess it's Director now? We haven't met, I'm Dr. Whitehall. I'm terribly sorry we won't know each other for much longer. Operative, whenever you're ready to shoot your former boss..."_  
  
Both pairs of SHIELD agents, outside and inside, glanced at each other in shock.  
  
\---  
  
"I swear, Sir, I haven't–"  
  
"Of course, Simmons. It seems Hydra has a few more tricks up their sleeve than we thought."  
  
Jemma's heart was racing. She had a feeling they wouldn't get out if this one easily.  
  
 _"Come on, Operative. Either you shoot him or I shoot both of you."_  
  
"Sir, what do we do?" Jemma asked, panicking. They were at an impasse.  
  
"We're slowly going to move to the door on the other side. Come on, slowly."  
  
She dropped all pretences now and lowered her gun, easing towards the door. Dr. Whitehall spoke again.  
  
 _"Time's up, Operative. Seems like your mission's come to an end."_  
  
As he spoke, a first shot blasted through the wall, just on Coulson's right, immediately followed by another. Before she could think about it, she ran towards her boss and slammed him to the floor, feeling an exploding pain in her shoulder.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

May was already too late by the time she'd spotted the gun on him. The tall man had fired three shots before she and Trip could take him down with their ICERs.  
  
Trip kicked down the door and she nearly froze at the sight of Coulson holding a bleeding Jemma Simmons in his arms. _Not again_.  
  
Her face was scrunched up in pain, face pale and gleaming with sweat, and it again struck her how young she looked. Trip ran to her side, and May felt the distinct urge to go back outside and put a very real bullet in the other guy.  
  
"It'll be fine, Jemma," Coulson assured her, even though his voice was trembling. "We're getting you out right now."  
  
May realized exactly how brave Jemma actually was: after throwing herself out of a plane and in front of a grenade, after dragging Fitz from the bottom of the ocean, she had taken on this mission and had now thrown herself in front of Coulson. The latter was putting pressure on her shoulder, trying to stem the bleeding. Trip took her in his arms as Coulson handed May a bag he'd taken from Jemma's shoulder.  
  
"How's Donnie?" Jemma managed to ask.  
  
"He's fine. Let's go, _Agent Simmons_ ," Trip replied, earning a faint smile from her at hearing her own name again.  
  
\---  
  
Jemma knew she had to stay awake when she was losing this much blood, but Trip was holding her firmly and she was safe, she was with family again and she felt her eyes slipping closed.  
  
The last thing she heard was Coulson shouting, "Koenig! We're coming, but we need a medic, _now_! Simmons has been shot."  
  
\---  
  
Skye straightened up as Coulson's voice sounded from the walkie-talkie Koenig had mistakenly left in the lab. Fitz froze at the panic in the Director's voice and at Skye's pointed look at him.   
  
"Skye... Did he– she's here?"  
  
The other agent quickly grabbed the walky-talky and pressed her comms to convey the message to Koenig, grasping Fitz' hand and dragging him along with her, nearly in tears.  
  
"I'm sorry, Fitz, Coulson didn't want you to know yet. I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen."  
  
Fitz didn't know what to say to that. His mind seemed to be going into overload. He could only let Skye drag him along as he tried to make sense of what was happening. Jemma was _Hydra_?  
  
 _"I'm not Hydra."_  
  
"Good, 'cause I don't know what I'd do..."  
  
"Well, you'll never have to find out."  
  
No. She couldn't be. Right?  
  
"Skye," he all but pleaded, the desperation and struggle evident in his eyes. His friend immediately seemed to understand what he was asking and grasped his shoulder tightly.  
  
"No, Fitz. I know that you know this. Simmons is an agent of SHIELD. She always has been."  
  
Her words momentarily overwhelmed him, all thoughts coming at once without being able to focus on a single one.  
  
Skye stepped a bit closer as he shut his eyes and rubbed at his temples.  
  
"Fitz. Simmons is SHIELD, yes. But she did leave. And it might've been for the right reasons, but she still did so out of the blue. You're allowed to be angry for that, or disappointed, or hurt. And you can tell her that later. But right now, she needs our help. Fitz, she's _injured_."   
  
Skye's panic radiated from her entire being, her voice breaking on the last word. The engineer opened his eyes at that. _Jemma, injured_. Not again.  
  
"Fitz," Skye pushed, glancing back at Mack, "Neither of us have any medical training. You're the only who can tell us what to do until the medic gets here. ...Fitz?"  
  
"Come on, Turbo, I know she taught you this. You told me so yourself," Mack spoke suddenly.   
  
He pinched the bridge of his nose once more, forcing himself to focus. He was right. He had picked up the basics from Jemma over the years, but without her here, he wasn't sure. He tried to remember what she had done when Skye had been shot.  
  
"We– uh... We're going to need– we need _gauze_. And a shot of adrenaline to keep her awake if necessary. And the doctor needs to know she's allergic to normal anaesthesia."  
  
Skye was nodding furiously, urging Mack to retrieve all that Fitz had asked for. No more than half a minute later, Coulson's voice sounded from the walkie-talkie again.  
  
 _"Open the cargo ramp now!"_  
  
Skye glanced at him once more, squeezed his hand quickly and then ran to push the button.  
  
\---  
  
The sight that greeted him made his blood turn cold. Coulson and May lowered their guns and allowed Trip to move forward with an unconscious Jemma in his arms.   
  
"Where are the medics?" he asked urgently.   
  
"Billy's bringing them as fast as possible," Skye managed to answer. Fitz was still nailed to the floor. "What happened?!"  
  
"She took a bullet for me."  
  
Fitz ran towards the group, the conversation lost to him at the moment – what had happened didn't matter. All that mattered was that Jemma was lying limp in Trip's arms, face pale and half of her shirt already drenched with blood.  
  
It had been months, and he already had to resist the urge to cry. Mercifully, Mack came running back with his arms full of medical supplies. Fitz shot into action.  
  
"Get her into the lab. Skye, clear the table. Just shove everything aside."  
  
Everyone rushed into the lab, Skye doing as she was told so Trip could gently lower her onto the table. Coulson, May and Mack stood back as the two younger agents anxiously waited for Fitz to speak up.  
  
He, however, moved to Jemma's side and put his hand on her cheek, trying to rouse her.  
  
"Simmons. _Simmons_. Can you hear me? Agent May, did the bullet go through and through?"  
  
May seemed to snap out of some kind of trance when he looked at her.  
  
"Yes, I saw an exit wound."  
  
He nodded in thanks.  
  
"Trip, quickly, you have to put pressure on her shoulder. Skye, grab a blanket to keep her body temperature up."  
  
His heart clenched because she was _not responding_ and why wasn't she responding? He brushed her bangs aside and tried pinching her cheek.  
  
"Jemma. You have to wake up now, Jemma. Please. It's me. It's Fitz."  
  
He knew that his attempts were probably futile, but he kept speaking to her as Trip put pressure on her right shoulder and Skye rubbed her skin through a blanket.  
  
Then Jemma's eyes fluttered open and he froze when her brown doe eyes focused on his.  
  
"Leo?"  
  
He couldn't have fought the smile off his face if he'd tried.  
  
"Yeah. It's me. You're going to be okay, Jemma. You're home again."  
  
She smiled at him for only a moment, but it was a genuine smile. That was more than he could've hoped for. Her face quickly scrunched up and she let out a cry of pain, her shoulder burning. Fitz looked around the lab and shouted to no one in particular.   
  
"Where's the bloody medic already?!"  
  
The other members looked at him in silence, surprise colouring their features. Seconds later, as if summoned, the medical team showed up, transferring Jemma onto a gurney and hauling her off.  
  
Fitz followed them outside, addressing the doctor.   
  
"Bullet wound in the right shoulder. She was responding just now, her pupils are dilated and her heart rate is elevated but stable. Do you know about her allergy–"  
  
"To the anaesthesia? Yes, thank you, Agent Fitz. Agent Simmons is lucky to have you."  
  
And with that, Jemma was gone again. Fitz grabbed Trip's shoulder and slowly lowered himself to the floor, breathing hard.  
  
She was safe.  
  
\---   
  
The first sensation Jemma was aware of was warmth. Followed by a dull ache in her shoulder. She slowly opened her eyes and allowed them to adjust to the light in the room, which had luckily already been dimmed.  
  
This was definitely a hospital room. The memories started to come back to her: jumping in front of Coulson, the immense pain in her shoulder, two strong arms hauling her up. Fitz calling her 'Jemma' again–  
  
She looked around the room when there was movement to her right.  
  
And there he was, sitting awkwardly on a plastic chair beside her bed. He was fiddling with his tie, trying to keep his hands busy, no doubt.  
  
She smiled involuntarily.  
  
"Hi," she choked out, her voice rough and weak.   
  
His head shot to the side, his eyes roaming her face. He leaned forward and gave her a tentative smile.  
  
"Hey. How are you feeling?" he asked gently, plucking at the blanket on her bed.  
  
"I don't really know. Okay, I guess, considering I was shot."  
  
That made him flinch. She cursed herself for being so candid about it already.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"No, 's alright. I'm glad you're not in too much pain then. Though that'll probably–"  
  
"Be temporary, I know." She looked away in embarrassment when she realized she had just _finished his bloody sentence_.  
  
He smiled bashfully in return and picked something up from under his chair. Her bag.  
  
"May gave me this. Said it seemed important since it was the only thing you took."  
  
She nodded slightly, telling him to open it and look inside. He took out the items one at a time, and she tried not to stare at him as he did so. His face was unreadable, though. Clear proof that they both had changed – she used to be able to read him like a book.   
  
He placed the monkey on her bed, followed by the pictures. He paused when he removed the perfume bottle from the bag. Recognition shone in his eyes and he brushed his fingers over the bottle. When he lifted his gaze up to hers, his eyes were glistening a bit and she had to make a considerable effort not to start bawling right there and then.   
  
God, she'd missed him so much.   
  
He cleared his throat nervously and rubbed at his eyes. "I–I can't believe you've kept this for a decade."  
  
She smiled again. "Of course I did. It's still my favourite perfume."  
  
He scratched his neck a bit awkwardly, not knowing how to reply to that. She felt a tinge of sadness because of it.  
  
"Fitz, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for leaving."  
  
"I know. And I can't say I understand, or that everything's alright. But we can talk about it later, when you're feeling better. That's what we should be focussing on."  
  
"I'm going to do everything I can to make things right again, Leo, I promise."  
  
His face briefly brightened at the use of his first name before he got his emotions back under control. He nodded.  
  
"I know. I will too," he added.  
  
And oh boy, that had done it. A few tears fell on her cheeks and she hastily rubbed them away. A warm hand suddenly grasped her own, and she managed to smile through even more tears. His features was softer than they had been in months, and she felt a warmth spread through her body.  
  
"You should rest. I'll come back later," he said, squeezing her hand and then moving towards the door.  
  
"Oh, and I thought you'd like to know that Coulson, Donnie and the other scientists are all fine. You saved them, Jemma."  
  
He almost sounded proud at her and her heart swelled. She nodded gratefully.  
  
"Guess I'm not just the scientist girl anymore," she tried to keep her tone light.  
  
"You never were," he assured her, smiling that special smile he only gave her before leaving her room.  
  
Everything was definitely still a mess, but Jemma had learned to appreciate the smaller victories.  
  
Fitz' smile? _Victory_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my first foray into writing for Agents of SHIELD! I've been writing for a long time, but it's been a while since I've actually published something online. I have a deleted scene that I might post as a one-shot tomorrow, if anyone would want to read that. And I seriously hope that after tonight, this is the worst-case scenario. But it's Agents of SHIELD, so who are we kidding, really?
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Elien


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